It's been a tough week at DLD as we had to spend the week heavily sedated in a dark room after we saw this and could barely muster the courage to issue the first Scary Lady alert of the year. So we're doing it now and we can all move on. You've been warned. (We don't blame Lily Allen for getting into a scrap with her, our dogs would have too.)
It's hard for you to put a foot wrong Kate - we really think you're the business and besides, there's not another mortal that could pull of that almost blue rinse you did in Paris at the launch of your range for Longchamp, but we have to say when we can see your bum hanging out you really have to think about at least "putting some of it away lady".
Which leads us on to someone else who was in Paris for the shows with specially prepared grey hair - that annoying little blip on our fashion radar, Tavi.
We don't know what you're thinking, but we think you look like Granny from the Beverly Hillbillies when someone has eaten all her vittles.
Who do you think you are skipping school and hanging around in Paris, blocking the view with your silly headwear ?
Of course, Anna Wintour just stared straight through you...
It's a good thing the late Isabella Blow is not alive to see you. We're compelled to issue a Scary Little Lady Alert. So don't look down because there may be a fashion rookie clinging to your ankle.
Au revoir.
Ok, so we must apologise for our prolonged absence, and wish our reader a very happy new year. The reason for our withdrawal from public life? Tiger Woods, if you must know. Yes, it's all terribly unfashionable now, but when we thought we were the only ones swinging his club, we felt pretty special. Of course now we're just scared Elin will come after us swinging a club, and that wouldn't be nearly as much fun. Anyway, we're here....intact, kind of, and bursting with enthusiasm about today's topic: yes folks, Brad Pitt.
And it seems the curse continues, with, big surprise, the end of his relationship with Angie. Gee, who knew she was nuts? I mean, wearing a vial of Billy Bob's blood around her neck wasn't weird was it? And doesn't everyone tongue-kiss their brothers on award nights? No, she was just a regular girl next door with a fascination for knives and adopting small foreign children....that's cool.
So, as we wave them goodbye, our thoughts turn to who may be the next victim of the curse of Brad. We don't think Jenny A is silly enough to go there again, in spite of her welcoming the boy Mayer back after a break-up. Well, who then.....?
That's right, Kate "I'm more than happy to feast on others' left-overs" Hudson. She has so much form in this regard: Owen Wilson, Lance Armstrong, Adam Scott, A-Rod....and there are probably others. It's a theory worth considering....heck, the way she operates, it's probably well underway already, and BP will be piggy-backing little long-haired Ryder around LA or Aspen or wherever the hell she hangs out these days. So Ms Hudson, a small word of advice: if you do take up with the cursed Mr Pitt, don't look down, because you may just find your little family of one has turned into a brood of seven. Or you may see Brad's scary beard....whatever scenario freaks you out more. Sweet dreams, Tiny Dancer.
In this dog eat dog world there's only room for one top dog and it's Madge. This time it's her personal trainer and until recently, her almost best pal (well the best one on her payroll) who's learned that lesson after being flicked from top fitness dog status.
Tracy Anderson or the Sweaty Squirrel as we at DLD like to call her, came into Madonna's life via her chum Gwyneth and over the next two years the scary lady with really scary arms proceeded to slowly but surely steal her away from her friend, training with her for two hours a day six days a week and taking her on tour (just in case she developed bingo wings right before a gig we expect).
So despite calling Anderson her 'saviour' because she was the only one that could put her body back together after two caesareans, three hernia operations and 10 broken bones, Madonna has sacked the little guru for allegedly carrying too much baggage around with her all the time.
That doesn't sound very nice to us, especially since a guy named Philippe van den Bossche (and Tracey's boyfriend) has recently quit his job as head of Madge's Raising Malawi Charity to live with Anderson in New York....
It's not about you all the time Madge. No, really. How dare someone let love stand in the way of you and your perfectly honed body... but then again, the path of true love never runs smooth.
So don't look down peeps because you might see something that's gone pear-shaped.
Hugs.
Sometimes even the coolest people get it entirely wrong. Wrong, that is, in the opinion of the team here at DLD. You guys might think Kate Moss looks cool in this leather get-up:
Me, I just think she looks like she has bound her boobs up as Judy Garland had to in order to play Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. It's not much better from the front:
And goodness knows how she manages it, but somehow, her nipple is hard enough to poke through leather.
Speaking of nipples, they were on full display the night before at the YSL show:
Yes, it seems Ms Moss has given up on that old-fashioned piece of clothing known as the bra. And as she approaches the age at which most chicks girls' are definitely heading south, she's rubbing our noses in her perky pair. Which would be fine.....if she was 22. But she ain't. And people don't know where to look when a wholly exposed bosom is in their face. It feels a bit like bad manners.
Which is the perfect segue to this hot new celebrity couple:
The blissfully bad-mannered Russell Brand, and the girl famous for a song about kissing a girl, Katy Perry. Pointless telling her not to look down, obviously.....she can't keep her eyes off it.....his SCARF I mean, you grubs!
Until next time x
Well, after a long hot summer where we at DLD were treated separately for co-dependency, we're back with a couple of little tidbits and sightings... none of them too surprising.
Of course we didn't miss Kate Moss living it large in the South of France with her crew looking impossibly cool....no surprises so far.
We swept by Venice for the film festival and saw Tilda Swinton looking impossibly fashion forward in Phoebe Philo's first collection for Celine ... no surprises there.
And we were confronted with one of our favourite scary ladies - Madge who was holidaying with her kids (yes that includes Jesus) looking impossibly unfeminine in an impossibly stupid bathing ensemble which fortunately bore her name in case she forgot who she is.... and what's with the parasol laydeeeee? Definitely no surprises here.
So don't look down because you know what you might see... no surprises there either.It's good to be back.
Ever read something that made you want to pull your hair out and use it to cover your eyes because you simply could not bear to read any further?
No, we're not referring to anything published by DLD, wiseguys, but to the public musings of one Plum Sykes.
Judging by the set of rather large 'man boobs' that Jack Nicholson is sporting in the South of France, you'd believe it.
Is it just us at DLD or does anyone else think that one of our favourite 'Scary Ladies' Madonna is turning into Joan Crawford? It would be rude of us not to continue on from yesterday and keep up the theme.
